Being in a domestic relationship

Hello guys,

Welcome to another surprising week, am claiming this with faith oh, don't know about you guys.

Back to the topic at hand, I received alot of mails regarding this issue and they are noted.

So here's my take and advice on this issue 

Firstly never ever allow your boyfriend to take up the responsibility of a husband. 

When you do this you are totally putting the future of your relationship in the guys and family hand, you won't be able to make a decision without them interferring.

The guy has issues his extremely a jealous type, we all have jealousy in us especially when we love someone but if it's can't be controlled then you loose yourself in that process.

Her family are not helping issues as well because of what they re getting from the guy.

Here's my advice a relationship consist of two people only, and once it's start spreading to three or four, the people involved will always  make issues for you  and that's a fact.

Now you need to be sure if the love is still there or  if  it's self  gratitude.

If it's self gratitude then you need to get out of that relationship, because if you don't you won't be respected when you eventually married him.

But before you do that you need to have a heart to heart discussion with your family telling them that you need to manage your relationship by yourself and that you will appreciate if none of your member call your boyfriend for money stating that anyone who does that is on their own.

If the lady in question still loves him, she need to be in control of her relationship, by discussing heart to heart discussion with him stating what makes her unhappy.

Firstly she needs to let him know how much she loves him, and that she's not okay with the way he embarrassed her when she's with friends and that she needs to be free and not conform to a place.

The day she agreed to stop working she has given the guy total authority over her, the guy in question saw her when she was working why would she now stopped she needs to start doing something even if the pay is small.

when a lady works it send a signal to her man that she's independent and not a parasite.

Parasite live on people and people can decide to do whatever they like to them that's what she is.

She needs to let the guy know she want to work and not a parasite

Shes old enough to know what's good for her not her family if she state all these and the guy threatened to cut the relationship please let him.

And if the family start fighting her for these please tell them it's your life and that you are old enough to know what's good for you.

I will have to be blunt here,  the relationship might not see another year if she state all what she want  and he's okay with it; because

He's used to controlling her, without been questioned.

The family are used to free access to him to collect money and since she's cutting them off, it's won't be easy 

This is a warning for her to brace up her heart for anything that might happen.

I hope the  advice work for your friend.

Till we meet again you know I love you right.yes you.....

Feedback temmybuhnmy@gmail.com, temmybuhnmy@outlook.com.

Being in a domestic relationship

Hello guys , 

Guess you  all  are having a great day?

Today is all about domestic relationship, it's not only when one is married that they experience domestic.

Being in a relationship with a violence  person that derives joy, in making you sad all the time is also called domestic relationship.

Got a mail from an anonymous yesterday and here's what she wrote.

Hello Bunmi,

Great job you are doing, am so glad to know your blog, it has refresh me greatly.

My best friend has been in an unhealthy relationship for some time now, and the guy derives joy in bully her every now and then.

He's a rich guy, that has used money to buy the lady families, all her family members call him their in-law and he gives them money alot.

Now the problem is, the lady doesn't have freedom, she can't do anything on her own.

 Like hanging out with us, the guy won't allow her,  they don't live together, but still he monitor her, calling her every now and then asking her where she is, if she's home he want to talk to her people to be sure.

 If she's out with her friends he will tell her to start going home, giving command, and if she said she can't just leave us like that he  will drive there embarrass her in our presence saying why would she go out without asking for his permission, and then start saying all sort of things like ashawo, looking for man and blabla and this is just a relationship, Bunmi not a marriage.

He doesn't want to see her with anyone at all before now she used to work in a great company with fantastic  salary but when they met he asked her to stop working after two month of dating and started giving her 50k monthly allowance, and apart from that he does take her out for shopping  making her hair and her other basic needs .

• He's a nice guy but he has issues if she's not with him then she has gone to meet men, all he thinks when she's not there is she's with a man .

Have tried talking to her she said she tired of it too and doesn't know what to do.

She has tried breaking up with him once and he called all her family members crying and everyone turn their backs at her saying she's a bad person that she want to drive away the man God send to them ha who does that.

Now the man is talking marriage now and she's really scared of going into it she need advice and she need it real fast....

And I trust you to give her a good one because you've done mine too in the past.

Thanks 

Wow thanks so much anonymous, am so glad the advice I gave you worked out and please would love to hear more news from you  my friend.

I will reply to this mail, but while waiting for my reply if you find yourself in this situation, how would you solve it?

Especially when your family that are suppose to be there for you are not because of what they are benefiting .

Let's know how you relate to it, send me an email and I will surely reply.

And the other mails, I saw them as well and I will only post those that are huge and serious as this, so please if I don't post yours and only reply your mail to give you advice please take it in good faith.

Then we meet I love you, yes you ..

For feedback please reach me on

temmybuhnmy@gmail.com

temmybuhnmy@outlook.com

How to deal with a depressed partner

Hello guys,

It a beautiful day, and am loving it, so I will be discussing how to deal with a depressed person today.

The first step is this, once you notice the mentioned traits in previous post, in your partner behaviour, you need to start paying attention to him in other to get the right treatment.

Most times a depressed person doesn't know his depressed and if this happen to be your partner case you need to

Break the news to him calmly and yet firmly, he needs to know he needs help and you have to be there all through it for him, you need to give him an assurance that all will be well for both of you.

You need to be at alert at his behaviour how he relate with things and you as a person.

Do not wait till your partner get to the bottom before offering a helping hand, be his strength and shoulder to lean on.

Get a diagnosis together, sometimes infection can cause depression, like heart desease, chronic pain, diabetes and many more.

Once it's confirmed, you need to start evaluate how he takes his drugs  and helped him thorough it.

And lastly attend counselling together and help him to overcome the phrase his passing through...

Will be dropping my writing here, till we see again you know I love you right, yes you ..

For feedback, comment please write to

temmmtemmybuhnmy@gmai l .com temmybuhnmy@outlook.com

Depression in a relationship and how to deal with it (1)

Hello guys,

Guess you all  are doing fantastically great.

I will be discussing depression in a relationship and how to deal with it.

Before continuing, what does depression means?

It swing in many ways.

Everyone has bad mood or occasionally feeling sad, but when these linger for months and makes your ability to perform your daily tasks become difficult then it is called depression.

How does depression affect your relationship?

When you are dating a depressed person, the person becomes entangled with their symptoms that it's affect communication flow in your relationship.

They start having a mindset of being a burden to you

They feel powerless to control things around them.

They have low self esteem about themselves.

They have a dysfunctional ways of handling things, they can call to tell you they are tired of the relationship today, then called the next day  begging you.

They are usually 70% out of their sensibility daily which means they can't be trusted.

you can't know their next move because they don't know themselves.

Today they are madly in love with you, tomorrow they are not sure, next tomorrow they are scared of you leaving them, yeah it's really crazy.

 I t's  like a voice is telling them what to do they have no control over their mind.

How do you deal with your depressed partner?

HowcHow you help them?

These will be discussed when next we meet till then you know I love you right yes you...... 

For feedback please write me @ temmybuhnmy@gmail.com, temmybuhnmy@outlook.com

Characteristics of a Slipping Woman

Hello guys,

Thank God its friday, guess you all doing fantastic?.

I discussed a slipping woman on Wednesday.

i will be discussing the concluding part today.

What are the traits of a slipping woman?

If you are with one presently how do you deal with her?

Firstly lets start with the traits

A slipping woman can never ever do business don't even think of it, and if you have to set her up you must have bend her.

You might be like bend as how , yes i mean bend her and we are coming to that.

If you set her up and asked her about the business in 6months time, it's story if you are not careful she will keep saying this business is bad,  and then keep trying different ones and yet there would never be a result.

She has a cunning attitude when she does something bad and you try correcting her, she then try putting romance into it.

One of the good thing about her is she never ever double date and that's the truth.

She never save she always believe that money will always come, she never plan ahead as long as she's with you she believes money will. Always come.

Their love is usually 30% , they don't love deeply.

Are they parasite?  It depend i have a friend like that she's not a parasite she works and earn good, but she never saves she spend it as it's keeps coming once she's broke she borrow money and immediately her guy settle her she refund me back.

But some are parasite so its a mind thing and that's why you need to know the ones you find yourself with.

Some can change if they are so attached to you and don't want to loose you.

Some are like no problem another one will come.

How do you take that traits from them?

Never think you can change them you cant change anybody, change is a personal decision and a thing of the heart.


If you want to take the traits from her you need to be on your toe with a slippery (slipping ) woman to stop spoiling her.

Being in a relationship mean two grow up adult who have decided to commit to each other and that means you've decided to take the relationship as a priority.

It's a matter of devotion towards eachother and one of the challenges that will test the relationship  is her slippery attitude.

Do you want her?

If yes then sit her down and ask for her devotion, make her understand you are not comfortable with her slippery attitude and you need to know if the relationship is important to her just as it is to you (if she says yes ).

Ask if she want help to let go of it,

Mind you

You need to be careful she might want to blackmail you with romance or tears, do not succumb to it, stood your ground and tell her the game she's trying to play wont work if she hear that she will adjust.

If she agreed for your help start watching her closely and once she makes mistakes do not over look it correct her and make sure she knows its wrong.

Most times, a slipping woman are calm they are not stubborn but they lack sense of responsibility.

So if you want to correct her she might be willing to learn and she might adapt.

Quickly but be careful  if you want to start trusting her with money start with small amount and asked how she spend it with proof.

 If she try saying you are sounding like you don't trust her anymore, please tell her you do trust her that its her slippery attitude you don't trust.

If she really like you, she will want your trust and loyalty back and she will adjust quickly but remember don't say because she has change you should over look her traits again if she start it,

Don't do that always caution here.

Ire ooo...(peace)...

Please for comment and feedback please write to
temmybuhnmy@gmail.com
temmybuhnmy@outlook.com

Love you all sooooo much...

A SLIPPING WOMAN

Hello guys,

How are you all doing? Guess fine, today we will be talking about a SLIPPING woman, does that sound weird to your ears?

When talking about a Slipping woman so many though runs through someone mind, what's that, have never heard that, and a lady will be like hmmmmm won tu  ti gbe mide, (lol).

What is a Slipping woman?

Many don't know the type of women they are dating, who is your woman? Is she a Slipping woman?

Are you a lady that does all what am about to list, then am sorry to burst your bubble, you are a Slipping woman.

How do you know a Slipping woman?
A Slipping woman is someone that does not take responsibility for her actions.

Never acknowledge the fact that she's wrong,

Always looking for who to push blame to for her actions.

Example
You both decided to meet up someone and on her way to the place she met an old friend got gisting and was carried away by time now when she got to the place instead of her to sincerely apologise she decided to play the victim by blaming the old friend.

They never ever accept they are wrong when you try holding them accountable for their mistakes they try making you feel bad, they are always shifting blame.

They have this carefree attitude, they believe their guy is going no where because they are a smart lady they are never out of ideals, their brain is always working 24/7.

I call them the great manipulator.


How do you deal with them?

Characteristics of a Slipping woman

 I will be discussing this when next we see
Do have a fantastic day, we need feedback please reach me on temmybuhnmy@gmail.com
temmybuhnmy@outlook.com

WHAT KEEPS A MAN

Nothing, only a man that want to be kept, not food, not money, not sex.

So never think or assumed when you allowed a guy to sleep with you he won't leave if you think that or so then you are on a long thing.

when it comes to dating. Just like  we, women,  men have their idea of a perfect woman in their head that they’re attracted to. 

Most of the time you either fit their expectations or you don’t. But every now and then, just like women, men fall for women who are outside their comfort zone.

Now the question is ARE YOU THAT WOMAN?

Any relationship you find yourself just be your true self don't change to who you are not.

And have an ideal about everything e.g football, nature, science, soccer, usually men like it when their ladies are intelligent make him a proud man by having an ideal about little things.

Be an independent lady, don't be the type that call a guy for credit card money be a bigger boss, be independent, take yourself out, spoil your self silly don't wait for him to come and do this for you.

Am stopping here today and I will continue tomorrow, we need feedback on this please don't hesitate to send mail

Thanks so much for reading 

temmybuhnmy@gmail.com

Confused Soul 3

Hi Bunmi 

Great reply I must say, not what am expecting duo.

She was the one who suggested the open relationship.

I never mentioned it, she begged me never to cheat on her and said rather we should have an open relationship. 

I said okay and try testing her if she meant it, saw a lady one day when we went outing told her the lady is cute and I like her the next thing she does was stood up went to meet the lady and before I say jack she came back with the lady and she said she told the lady we were in open relationship and we are allowed to date other people she excused herself and went home.

She kept forcing me to go on a date with her, she forced the first one on me , and the other two were done by me and she's always aware of it.

I never wanted to but I did it for the love I have for her.

Thanks 

I replied because I don't want your reader to see me as a bad person and your replied will be appreciated.

Thanks....

Replied

Mr. Anonymous,

Am so happy for your replied, a relationship consist of two people and when it's start expanding believe me it no longer a relationship, it's called game, 

your lady fancy something and needed to experience it.

She was always getting ladies for you that you got down with while she never did with her own date, it's never occurred to you that something is off.

You kept saying she's a good girl , she was testing you to know if you are someone she can spend her life with.

If you are someone she can leave and travel and yet be rest assured that you are there.

Immediately she tried setting you up in the first place you should have stood your ground and walked out, you said she left you guys and left.

You went on a date with your lady and left the place with someone else and had to give an excuse that she got the lady for you.

Mr anonymous if you must double date can't you do it on your own why would you allowed your girl to do that for you..

You have learned your lesson, am sure if you go by my advice it might works for you. 

I whis you nothing but the best , and I pray your girl comes around and be with you .

Shallow.....

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and I will always be here to advice you and to my wonderful reader without you, there's no me.

Thanks so much for always reading, I love you all so much.

For contact please use the email below

temmybuhnmy@gmail.com

Thanks....

Confused Soul 2

Hello guys

Happy Thursday, yea can't wait for the weekend to start, so yesterday I posted a series about a confused guy that needed adviced and I promised to get back, well here ''IAM'' with my advice.

I pray and hope it's helped...

Adviced

Mr. Anonymous,

Am going to be straight with you, and the advice am going to give will be from your write up.

I might be hard please don't take it personal, I appreciate the fact that you admit you are in an open relationship and for you saying that you knew the foundation was wrong from the on set.

This shows you take responsibility for your actions and that's what makes a man.

please ladies stop starting what you can't finish, when you knew if he asked you to marry him, that you won't 

why lead him on? 

you wanted the relationship so bad or perhaps you needed to experiment so bad that you never or it doesn't occur to you that the relationship might lead to him asking your hand in marriage, please ladies let's stop this.

Mr. Anonymous you mentioned you love this lady and don't want to loose her, 

You never loved her, you only loved the freedom she gives you to do what you like and you still expect that once she says I do, 

She's a smart lady she knew you are good for dating and not for marriage perhaps she wanted an experiment and use you for that, 

She has rules she date one man and she

used you as an experiment in other to have an experience, perhaps she tested you with the open relationship trying to know your mind and once she find that out she decided there to put you on dating zone.

You said she's understanding right? In three years that you've dated she allowed you to date ladies got down with them, and hers never passed outing, and it's never occur to you that she might be testing you ? trying to know if you are someone she can marrys

She gave you many opportunity to redeem your self and you didn't , 

She got tired of you not changing and she decided or perhaps find out she deserve more and then she tried to break off from the relationship.

You detected this  through her phone that you bugged, you saw all her  chat with her friends, then you forced her to say what's on her mind, then try tying her down with the word( marriage). 

You bugged her line  you know everything about, her relationship as you put it with other guys never surpassed outing , you monitor her life, you said she was faithful and you were not and you hold her responsible for sleeping with the ladies you've dated, remember she dated two guys too.

While in relationship you knew everything anonymously without her knowledge (lack of trust)  yet she never slept with the guys, while you slept with yours.

Am going to ask you an honest question had it been that you didn't bug her phone and you were not able to know if her relationship passed outing, would you ask her hand in marriage?

Sweet heart the foundation of your relationship was faulty from  the beginning, there was no love you needed someone that won't question you, and she fit into that she got tired and want out.

She's a very smart girl to say NO because if she had married you , believe me it's won't last she will never trust you even if you changed.

Here's my advice 

I will suggest you start afresh too, see this as a lesson to shape your next relationship, and if you know you love her so much to let her go, invite her out on a date confessed that you bugged her phone and you know what she's been doing, begged and asked her to forgive you.

Let the communication in your relationship increased, 

never keep secret

start appreciating her 

Keep loving her, till you are forgiven and loved.

It might be tough, she might still insist it's over , but if you truly want her keep been persistent,

If you have comment, or needed advice on your relationship, please feel free to send us us mail through this email address

temmybuhnmy@gmail.com

CONFUSED SOUL

Hello guys,

It's another wonderful Wednesday and we should all be thankful for a wonderful life.

Saw this mail from someone and here's what it says.

Hi Bunmi, 

Great job, you are doing, am in an open relationship with this amazing lady, we've been together for 3,yrs now, and in the cause of dating we've both dated two different people and recently have been thinking, like am not getting younger again, need to settle down, I have all what I need, am okay financially and as an only son my parents are on my neck to bring in a wife so it kind of that.

I love my girl she gives me the freedom I want, she's understanding and nice, I know it kind of crazy to date other people and both know about it, we even joke about it 

We are both cool with that find out she's been advoiding me lately, is either she's busy at work, or not around or stuffs like that I got tired of her attitude and asked her to tell me whatever is going on then she break the ice.

She said she's tired and doesn't want to be in an open relationship again she needed a more committed one, I smiled when she said this, and said am tired of it too, I asked her to marry me, she was shocked and asked  for some days to think it through, after two days she replied that she want to start afresh that I will always use the eyes of her past to judge her that it's better to be with someone new and forged ahead, she said I won't ever trust her, I love her so much, and have tried everything I could think of, she won't just accept the ring, your advice is needed please.

PS:- she was the one that suggested the open relationship then I didn't, she said I can try new relationship  instead of cheating, as long as she knows about it and I should never be carried away, she tells me when to stopped and likewise  i too, I bugged her line without her knowing the two guys she met it never passed lunch because I read her chat and messages without her knowing and am proud to say in three years am the only guy  she get down with, I never ever told her I bugged her line I know she's a good lady and that's why I can't let go pls advice.

Thanks..

Answer 

Wow am so speechless this is a critical request that require an intelligent answer I will be back to give my advice on this

Thanks guys 

Can I do this?

Hi guys,

Wow so good to be back, it's been crazy working, schooling and all that. 

But am finally back online and I know it's in professional to go off without letting you guys know, am so so sorry and yes I promised to post daily now.

So I have a lot of messages and I will be treating it daily, so please don't just read and go. 

please we need feedback please.

We are open to that, thanks so much love you all...

Post

Anon

Hi Bunmi, great job you are doing , am a single mom and am in relationship with this great guy that loves me for being me, his a good man, has a great relationship with my son, now he's asking for next phase( marriage)  am scared,  am thinking of the future, like will I be acceppted in his family with my child, cause I can't imagine staying apart from my son, am confused Bunmi,  he's been telling me not to worry that everything is in control that they know and loves me and all that, told him I need time to think about this, honestly can't think straight, am financially okay, so is he, so there won't be financial issues when we married but am still scared....

PS need advice

ADVICE

Hi dear,

So good to hear from you am so glad I received your mail recently won't have forgiven myself if I saw this late.

Never think about the future, let the future think of it's self, you are not God, allow Him to do that, the only thing you can do about the future is to invest and keep investing  for your child and yourself.

Secondly forget about third party, this is about you guys, (yes he's family are important). But if a single guy saw so many single ladies out there and yet decided to stick to you, he find contentment, fulfillment  in you, he doesn't think what the world thinks so why should you do that.

Thank God you are both financially capable so nobody will say he's marrying you for your money and you said hes more financially capable than you so what's stopping?

You don't need anybody approval to be happy, we all deserve a second chance, you do, I do, the whole world do, don't denied yourself this happiness .

Pray to God, ask for direction from Him, go and be happy, as long as his okay with your child and ready to be a dad to him, and believe me his family will love you,

The truth of the matter is don't expect everyone to like you in his family even those that married single their husband people did not like them , some are not even welcome  till date, it's take grace of God.
Ask for His grace

Hope to hear from you soon dear much love...